An introduction to how we give and receive love
Inside each of us are two energies: the masculine and the feminine. These two energies complement and complete each other. We each feel comfortable living in one of these energies. When we find a partner, we often look for our other energetic half.
Masculinity and femininity are sexual energies that have been recognized in ancient Eastern and Western philosophy. These energies sit on opposite poles and attract each other like magnets. When one partner is in their masculine, the other is in their feminine. When one partner switches their energy, the other naturally switch theirs as well.
The terms masculine and feminine derive from a physiological standpoint. They’re healthy emotional states of being for penetrative reproduction to occur. The masculine gathers strength, pushes, and gives outside itself; the feminine trusts, opens up, and takes in what is offered. These emotional states have been crucial for loving reproduction and still spill out into our everyday lives.
Sexual energy provides comfort, security, and emotional wellbeing. You probably feel most comfortable writing with one hand over the other. You likely also feel most comfortable when you live in one of these two energies. Your life flow easier, your desires are met, your interactions with people are better. When you are in your authentic energy, being yourself just feels natural.
The far majority of people are “energetically right-handed” — meaning their authentic sexual energy aligns with their gender identity. Some people are energetically left-handed — their sexual energy is opposite of their gender. A few people are equally comfortable in both, and a small percentage lack sexual energy altogether.
Each person has their own balance of masculine and feminine energy.How someone lives in their authentic has no bearing on how “real” a person is in their gender. “Real” women do not need to live in their feminine. “Real” men do not need to live in their masculine. Similarly, people who do not identify with their birth-assigned gender are not bound by their energy.
We can experience different sexual energies in different areas of our lives. A high-achieving woman may feel masculine energy in her career but feminine tenderness in her relationship. A man may be masculine in all of his dealings but extremely feminine in his hobbies. We are emotionally healthiest when we can transition effortlessly between these energies when we choose or when life demands it.
Note: For the sake of this article, I will write about sexual energy from a heterosexual viewpoint. I’ll use language like ‘a masculine man’ and ‘a feminine woman’ to describe the qualities of each energy. I understand this may put off queer readers; bear with me. If this language is too gendered for you, you can think of masculine as go and feminine as flow. Go energy strives, while flow energy accepts.
Feminine energy is the desire to open oneself to love, emotion, and beauty. The feminine desires to find pleasure in the world and dissolve itself into pure feeling. The feminine wants to feel the ecstasy in all things — joy, sadness, pleasure, amazement, excitement, anger.
A feminine woman brings attracts love, life, and beauty. A feminine woman enjoys beautiful things because they bring out the beauty in her. She represents the Divine Feminine and longs for others to recognize the beauty of nature that is reflected in her being. She lives in her body and from her heart, using her emotions and sensations to navigate through life. She yearns to be touched and accepted in the soft spots of her body, mind, and soul.
A feminine woman’s ultimate feminine pleasure is intimacy. She first becomes intimate with herself — enjoying her own energy, her own body, her own desires. However, placing her world in order can get in the way of experiencing pleasure.
A feminine woman’s energy flows like water. It changes tide with emotions. It cannot gather and grow deeper unless it is surrounded by a sturdy container. So to feel the deeper parts of her feminine energy, a feminine woman partners with the rigid nature of her partner’s masculine energy. As she begins to trust him, his integrity takes down her walls and stand in their place. Her defense mechanisms start to surrender, and she can enter a deeper presence with herself. The safer she is with her partner, the more she can surrender into bliss in intimate moments.
A feminine woman’s willingness to surrender is proportional to the trust she has in her partner. She will constantly challenge his integrity and ability to be present as a way of testing if he can be trusted. If he breaks his integrity, she cannot trust him for who he is — what he says, what he does, who he’s with, where he’s been, who he says he will be. If he breaks his presence, she cannot trust him with who she is — her rough edges, her body, her temperament, her desires, her trauma, her fears, her anxieties, her sadness.
Masculine energy is the desire to give love outside of itself. The masculine gathers strength and then pour its excess into what it finds beautiful — the world, its partner, and its family. The masculine, having made peace with its inner world, wants to now experience ecstasy through the joy it can bring out in others.
A masculine man feels best when he gives into all around him. Authentic masculinity is rooted in service. It goes beyond itself to spread love in its surrounding. As his best, a masculine man leaves everything better than he found it. He’s patient, kind, and generous.
A masculine man feels energized first by a deep, loving purpose to change the world. The call to be an entrepreneur, leader, pioneer, or head of household is natural to him and fulfills his deepest desire. This is his first loyalty. He aspires to have a lasting impact on the world. He feels his life is in balance when he is moving in the direction of his heart. He may describe his purpose as being “born” or “God-given” because he feels purpose and self is one and the same — his truest identity is to fulfill a mission that he is uniquely capable of.
A masculine man is loyal to his partner only after his loyalty to his purpose. If he is to create a trusting container for his partner to flow, he must feel first accountable to something larger than himself. If a man replaces his sense of purpose with a need to fulfill the desires of his partner, he becomes codependent and flips the polarity of the relationship.
While the feminine is vulnerable through being deeply intimate, the masculine is vulnerable through being undyingly authentic.
According to society, men should be more vulnerable by admitting they have feelings. Men should cry more often. Men should hold babies and appreciate the beauty of life. These intimate acts are beautiful parts of manhood, but they are all rooted in feminine vulnerability — the tender intimacy revealed by opening the soft parts of the heart. The process of opening the heart is an absolutely important step to becoming a masculine man, but authentic masculine vulnerability goes beyond having emotions.
A masculine man expresses vulnerability by pressing his energy onto the world and says “This is who I am, and I’m standing by it.” He’s integrated his feminine and masculine energies and feels comfortable being himself in either. He can feel his emotions and give into them if the time calls for it, or resist them if needed. He is unashamedly himself both when he cries and when he doesn’t cry. He doesn’t care about the shoulds that society and others place on him. Instead, he uses his heart, mind, and soul to discern what is best for him.